Life Between Naps

I can’t sleep at night.

Dozey Butt

Have you ever had a big event coming up and you just can’t wait for it, you can’t sleep because of it? Maybe it is a trip to Hawaii, or your first time skydiving; perhaps you are like me, and Halloweenie gets you giddy and ripe with excitement.

But no, in the end, I’m in it for something else.

Doing well in school? Merp, school is a means. Making good money at a job that you enjoy?  The word “job” should point you in the right direction. Content with life and looking forward to your next day off? Well, somebody has to pay the bills.

A few times a week I have a dream. Not a specific dream, though I do have those, but a dream about a person. I wake up from the dream and my mind starts racing, like a photon towards the singularity. And at 3 in the morning all I can do is to tell myself to think of nothing, to imagine a void, and let my mind slowly slip into it, away from her. Sometimes this works, but more often than not, I lie awake for an hour or so until I figure it out.

Life explained

The dream doesn’t matter.

It is only my mind’s eye trying to point me in the right direction.

Inevitably it does, and I think of a happy time. Of course I am happy now, just a different kind.

A time when I did what I wanted, when I wanted to, because I wanted to. I think of Korea, the overwhelming sight of Korean characters and squid burgers. I can remember hiking in New Zealand, eyes full of rain… rain, rain, rain, a little bit of green, and a lot of smiles. I laugh at Asia, seriously, I laugh at you! Megan and Jake, walking by my side, experiencing first hand why you don’t drink the water. But in the end, I am smiling, and falling asleep again.

Vodka, soda, and apple juice – bad. Vodka, soda, and blood orange juice – good.

I have a confession to make.

About a week after returning home, I wanted to leave again, and I have been saving my money since. At first, I didn’t even realize it; after all, I have always been good about saving. But eventually it became obvious, I want to explore, I need to explore, and my savings account is getting heavy.

i wish i had pants to tuck this awesome shirt into

It is probably my own doing,

I want nothing more than to move, to see, to feel, and above all else, to taste. But within the comfort of friends and family I settle down, I make my money and I enjoy myself. But I am restless, and this contentment eats away at me constantly, until… well, until this. I am constantly looking at backpacking trips, always looking at new gear, and smashing that stumbleupon button as if it can possibly show me what destination is the answer.

Europe? Central America? Patagonia? Pan-American Highway road trip? East Coast? Vancouver road trip? 2014 World Cup/Brazil/ South America road trip of ultimate awesomeness?… they will all  end up in the same boat, another trip taken.

What I really want is what I left for in the first place. New Zealand. An entire country of outdoors, right outside your back door. I look through the pictures every week, I think of the people I met there every day.

Basically, I am Frodo, wanting to return to the Shire. OK, OK, just kidding.

But man, I want nothing than to go back. One month, 3 or 4 trips and a visit to wonderful Wanaka. Ooh baby, Brazil can wait ’til 2014, New Zealand and the dum is where it’s at, momma.

When I was traveling, I carried a notebook that I filled with observations, which I would sometimes quote in my blogs like this. I think I should start carrying around a notebook again, the world was much more memorable.

But don’t worry, I’m sure nothing will change and I will still be here and I won’t go anywhere and no tickets will be bought and no plans will be made and I’ll just be the perfect citizen of Carlsbad until my toes fall off from diabetes and I am sitting on the couch watching Matlock wondering why I never took ONE more trip, took ONE more chance, and found love ONE more time. There will also be one more run-on sentence, after I finish explaining my endearment of corporate interests and how they relate to my love for bartending in a corporate environment, and the overall theme of generalities that my blogs usually encompass.

p.s. I’m like,  a softmore at SDSU, and i really want to see the world and meet girls in London!

p.s.s We must return to the grab-a-lobster claw game in Long Beach!

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